Episode 13: Beat Your Heart Out
February 5, 2009
Opening:
Any first year med student knows that an increased heart rate is a sign of trouble. A racing heart could indicate anything, from a panic disorder, to something much… much more serious. A heart that flutters, or one that skips a beat, could be a sign of a secret affliction… or, it could indicate romance. Which is the biggest trouble of all.
Closing:
It seems we have no control whatsoever – over our own hearts. Conditions can change without warning. Romance can make the heart pound, just like panic can. And panic can make it stop cold in your chest. It’s no wonder doctors spend so much time trying to keep the heart stable. To keep it slow, steady, regular. To stop the heart from pounding out of your chest from the dread of something terrible… or the anticipation of something else entirely.
Episode 14: Before and After
February 12, 2009
Opening:
Every patient’s story starts the same way. It starts with them being fine. It starts in the “before”. They cling to this moment, this memory of being fine, this “before”, as though talking about it may somehow bring it back. But what they don’t realize is that the fact that they’re talking about it to us, their doctors, means there’s no going back. By the time they see us, they’re already in the “after”. And while every patient’s story starts the same way, how the story ends, depends on us, on how well we diagnose and treat. We know the story hinges on us, and we all want to be the hero.
Closing:
None
(Crossover episode with Private Practice – Ex-Life, where the story continued.)
Episode 15: An Honest Mistake
February 19, 2009
Opening:
There’s this thing that happens when people find out you’re a doctor. They stop seeing you as a person, and begin to see you as something bigger than you are. They have to see us that way, as gods. Otherwise, we’re just like everyone else – unsure, flawed, normal. So we act strong, we remain stoic. We hide the fact that we’re all too human.
Closing:
Patients see us as gods. Or, they see us as monsters. But the fact is, we’re just people. We screw up. We lose our way. Even the best of us have our off days. Still, we move forward. We don’t rest on our laurels or celebrate the lives we saved in the past. Because there’s always some other patient that needs our help. So, we force ourselves to keep trying, to keep learning… in the hope that maybe, someday, we’ll come just a little bit closer to the gods our patients need us to be.
Episode 16: I Will Follow You Into the Dark
March 12, 2009
Opening:
Every surgeon I know has a shadow. A dark cloud of fear and doubt that follows even the best of us into the O.R. We pretend the shadow isn’t there, hoping that if we save more lives, master harder techniques, run faster and farther, it’ll get tired and give up the chase. But, like they say… you can’t outrun your shadow.
Closing:
Every surgeon has a shadow, and the only way to get rid of a shadow… is to turn off the lights, to stop running from the darkness, and face what you fear – head on.
Episode 17: Stand by Me
March 19, 2009
Opening:
Surgeons aren’t known for being warm and cuddly. They’re arrogant, impatient, mean, as often as not. You’d think they wouldn’t have friends, ’cause who could stand them? But surgeons are like a bad cold – nasty, but persistent. Surgeons: Nasty, aggressive, unstoppable. Just the kind of people you want on your side when you’re really screwed.
Closing:
Practicing medicine doesn’t lend itself well to the making of friends. Maybe because life and mortality are in our faces all the time. Maybe because in staring down death every day, we’re forced to know that life, every minute, is borrowed time. And each person we let ourselves care about… is just one more loss, somewhere down the line. For this reason, I know some doctors who just don’t bother making friends at all. But the rest of us, we make it our job to move that line, to push each loss, as far away as we can.
Episode 18: Elevator Love Letter
March 26, 2009
Opening:
(Alex Karev) Surgeons are all messed up. We’re butchers. Messed up, knife-happy butchers. We cut people up, we move on. Patients die on our watch, we move on. We cause trauma, we suffer trauma. We don’t have time to worry about how all the blood and death and crap really makes us feel.
Closing:
(Alex Karev) Doesn’t matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, Trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that’s the point: All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward, it’s what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up.
Episode 19: Sweet Surrender
April 23, 2009
Opening:
Defeat isn’t an option. Not for surgeons. We don’t back away from the table till the last breath’s long gone. “Terminal” is a challenge. “Life threatening” is what gets us out of bed in the morning. We’re not easily intimidated. We don’t flinch, we don’t back down, and we certainly don’t surrender. Not at work, anyway.
Closing:
To do our jobs we have to believe defeat is not an option. That no matter how sick our patients get, there’s hope for them. But even when our hopes give way to reality and we finally have to surrender to the truth, it just means we’ve lost today’s battle, not tomorrow’s war. Here’s the thing about surrender: Once you do it, actually give in, you forget why you were even fighting in the first place.
Episode 20: No Good at Saying Sorry (One More Chance)
April 30, 2009
Opening:
Remember when we were little, and we’d accidentally bite a kid on the playground? Our teachers would go, “Say you’re sorry.” and we would say it, but we wouldn’t mean it. Because the stupid kid we bit… totally deserved it. But, as we get older, making amends isn’t so simple. After the playground days are over, you can’t just say it, you have to mean it. Of course, when you become a doctor, “sorry” is not a happy word. It either means “You’re dying and I can’t help”, or it means, “This is really gonna hurt.”
Closing:
As doctors, we can’t undo our mistakes, and we rarely forgive ourselves for them. But it’s a hazard of the trade. But as human beings, we can always try to do better, to be better, to right a wrong, even when it feels irreversible. Of course, “I’m sorry” doesn’t always cut it. Maybe because we use it so many different ways. As a weapon, as an excuse. But when we are really sorry, when we use it right, when we mean it, when our actions say what words never can… when we get it right, “I’m sorry” is perfect. When we get it right, “I’m sorry” is redemption.
Episode 21: What a Difference a Day Makes
May 7, 2009
Opening:
(Izzie) You never know the biggest day of your life is going to be the biggest. The days you think are going to be big ones, they’re never as big as you make them out to be in your head. It’s the regular days. The ones that start out normal. Those are the days that end up being the biggest. And today was the wedding. It was beautiful. Perfect.
Closing:
(Izzie) You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day. Not until its happening. You don’t recognize the biggest day of your life. Not until you’re right in the middle of it. The day you commit to something or someone… The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soul mate. The day you realize there’s not enough time… because you want to live forever. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days. (Reveal Denny standing by Izzie’s bed, and she’s been talking to him.)
Episode 22: Here’s to the Future
May 14, 2009
Opening:
When something begins, you generally have no idea how its going to end. The house you were going to sell, becomes your home. The roommates you were forced to take in, become your family. And the one-night stand you were determined to forget, becomes the love of your life.
Closing:
We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future. As if figuring it out will somehow cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of of our deepest fears, and our wildest hopes. But one thing is certain: When it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it.
Episode 23: Now or Never
May 14, 2009
Opening:
Doctors spend a lot of time focused on the future. Planning it. Working toward it. But at some point, you start to realize, your life is happening now, not after med school, not after residency, right now. This is it, it’s here. Blink, and you’ll miss it.
Closing:
Did you say it? I love you? I don’t ever want to live without you. You changed my life… did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work towards it. But every now and then, look around. Drink it in. ‘Cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.
